Friends and Teammates

You know - I may be having a rough time right now internally. I'm feeling quite insecure about my size, my lack of progress, and terrified about this race....

...but then I remember my friends. My family. Those who love me. And support me.

I know that as long as I keep my head on straight and keep moving forward - keep making the efforts - they'll never abandon me. They'll rejoice in my successes - and they'll share my disappointment in my failures. They'll be honest, harsh when needed, and never judgmental.

While we were in WDW a few weeks ago, we were lucky enough to see Princess Fiona for a few minutes! We flew in the day she was flying out - but she got to come say hi - hang with Elizabeth and Amber and I for about 10 minutes and even though it wasn't an "elongated" visit - it was enough to feel her support and love.

It's part of what makes this community so special to me.

Rae and Eric won't be joining us at the race - and we'll miss them terribly. It will be a loss keenly felt. But I know I'll see them in February at the Princess (I hope).

But when I think of sharing time with Jeff, Justin, Amanda, Andy and Sharla, and more - it reminds me that every step forward is just that - a step forward.

And then...my fears aren't so bad.

A quick side note: Sharla - I had no idea you and Andy were reading my blog! Welcome aboard! I can't wait to see you guys next week! But what time are we having dinner at Teppan Edo? :)

EPCOT AWAITS!

A Picture is Worth....

...a thousand words. And some great motivation.

We got our Photopass CD from our recent trip. And I do really like this picture of us! It's a great family shot, and we had some fun Photopass shots that I can't wait to show you.

But we also did the new "enhanced" portrait session through Disney Event Photography. We planned an 8am photo shoot in World Showcase. And that's where the problems started.

1) It was COLD. Like 45-50 degrees cold. And windy. And Elizabeth was cranky.

2) Because of the cold and crankiness, nobody really smiled and opened up. We were fighting Elizabeth the whole way.

3) We got the online gallery to look at yesterday as well. We get the CD in a few weeks. And I can't stand most of the pictures. I feel like I ruined them. The pictures are very unflattering for me. I look TERRIBLE. I'm embarrassed of them.

See - in the picture above - you can tell I'm a big guy - but not HOW big. And I tend to carry my weight well, or so I thought.

Then I saw those pictures.

YIKES.

I worked out harder this morning. And tracked my calories. And feel driven.

And am fighting my own insecurities.

But - I will say this for the enhanced photo sessions - I like the concept. The pictures, such as they are, are quite well taken - good production value. We'll have to try it again - maybe when someone's a little less cranky. ;)

EPCOT AWAITS!

Holiday Truth Serum

So today's going to ramble a bit. Sorry in advance. But first - isn't this a great picture of us?

One other note: most of you who've asked questions in comments, or made statements, etc - you're mentioned in here - so read the whole thing! :)

I haven't been around for a bit - so sorry. There will be a completed trip report - and there will be more discussion of all the things I've mentioned. Things have just been busy through the holidays - and at work. We've gotten busy enough that we're going to hire an administrative assistant. It's just crazy. Me an employer?

Now - there's a lot to discuss. And this is hard to write about and think about.

I'm starting to get nervous about next weekend's race. Not that I don't think I can go 13.1 miles. But I'm worried about the pace, as usual. See - in January 2011, I fell short. And I'm about 5-10 pounds heavier now than I was then. Which really upsets me.

This year hasn't quite gone as planned in a lot of ways. It's been both good and bad stuff, but regardless, I haven't been focusing on "me" as much as I needed to. The plans I've made haven't been 100% followed, and I'm still right where I started.

I do feel as if I've made strides forward - and given myself the tools I need to succeed. I just haven't succeeded yet. Because I'm not using all the tools together. I might use one or two at a time - but I haven't been putting the whole picture together yet.

Now - here's the unfortunate part.

I can't go BACKWARDS and fix it. I can't go back to March and work harder to get started - or back to June and run more - or even back to last week and eat less. I just can't. So mgreene - and I know you're reading - I know that I have said "I'm going to do...." - and haven't done. I get that part. But I can't do anything about it. And reminding me - makes me feel even more like I've failed. And what I need to do is recapture the courage and willpower to succeed.

And believe it or not, I really do want to succeed. I want to make changes in my life and body. And I know I'm going to. I know I can. And I know now is the time. So I've got the willpower - I just have to use it.

So what do I do? What's the grand plan?

Well - there isn't one yet. In fact, there won't be one.

Don't panic - I'm not giving up.

I'm just not making a "grand plan". I'm going to take this challenge one step at a time. I tell my clients that all the time. "I'm a methodical attorney. I take your case one step at a time - let's not get ahead of ourselves."

So time to put THAT plan into action.

I have the following tools: a reduced calorie plan from my dietician (2200/day); pre-prepared healthy food from "Dinners Ready" and meal plans for breakfast and lunch; an elliptical machine; a treadmill; good shoes; a good therapist; a loving supporting family; a loving supporting team.

And let me expand on the team aspect. Jeff W, Amanda, Rae, Justin, and all of you - you've stuck with me through all this - and you keep staying. You believe that if I want it bad enough I can make changes. And you care enough to support me through the ups and downs. And I just wanted to say thank you. You really don't know what you all mean to me.

These things together should allow me to push forward and make some progress.

Here's the first goal: five pounds. After that - we'll do another five. But the first five is the goal.

Here's the second goal: use the elliptical four times a week for the next two weeks. It's a place to start. A way to integrate exercise into my daily routine. And I've already done one for this week. Just now.

Now - let's talk about races. I'm already registered for two - January and about six weeks later in February. And about eight weeks after that, we board the Disney Fantasy. That's four months. That's enough time for lots of small goals.

Race one: January 2012. I am aiming to finish this thing. Rae - I adore you and your heart. And I'm going to push every mile for you. And for Jeff. And Justin. And Amanda. And Fee. And everyone who's ever supported me. I'm going to give it everything I have. And if something goes wrong - it's a gauge for a starting point - and I'll use it as such.

Race two: February 2012. I aim to do better than I did in January. Whether that's further, or faster, or both.

Cruise time: By the time the cruise arrives, I want to have to buy a smaller bathing suit.

I think these goals are small, achievable, and allow for room to expand as I hit them.

And you'll notice - those of you who've known me - that I didn't wait for a "Monday" or the "first of the year" or anything - I just said - enough. Today it's time to turn it around.

So strap in. Here we go.

EPCOT AWAITS!

Trip Report - Part I - and Update

We are just about three weeks from race day.

I'm hoping on Monday to post a good number from this week - and I'll be hitting the elliptical hard tomorrow and Sunday - and staying away from the sweets at our holiday party on Sunday. :)

As for the comments from Tuesday - they were ALL great! You guys are an awesome support group!! And Amanda has it right on her blog - the JOURNEY - is huge. So here's a great way for me to gauge my success! January and February - SAME EXACT COURSE. So I should improve, right? :)

Okay - back to the trip. This picture was taken on the morning of Day 2. Day 1 was travel day.

Day 1 was also when we had to call emergency services.

Elizabeth took a header into a chair leg. And had a lump growing out of her forehead the size of a small orange. We FREAKED OUT. But if you call emergency services from your room - a manager and security come wait while RCDD 911 comes.

They were with us within 5 minutes. They evaluated Elizabeth (no cost) - and gave us their honest opinion - which was no x-ray was necessary.

They really did a lot to counter our panic and put us at ease. Thankfully!

On that first day, we woke up LATE - we were exhausted from the night before's drama. So we headed to the MK. Got our APs renewed, and saw Princess Fiona at lunch!

We just spent the day kinda ambling around the parks and doing so in a leisurely fashion. It was a very relaxing trip. No "go go going". Which was nice for a change.

Okay - more soon!

EPCOT AWAITS!

Back in the Saddle

Well - we are officially back!

We had a GREAT time at WDW! I can't wait to tell you all about it - I'll be doing a detailed trip report AND a new article for all ears.net. But let me tease you with some details:

You'll soon hear about:

Paramedics
New Dining
New Attractions
Crazy Taxis
Holiday Parties
Scottish Invasions

And more!

As always, I return with a mixed blessing of news. Some good - some bad.

Let's start with some bad news. I'm up in terms of weight. Which surprises me a bit. I managed to not eat a single beef item at WDW. I did chicken, fish, sandwiches, etc. And of course, there was a lot of walking and swimming. I think I did about as well as you can! But with 11 days - perhaps it added up. I'm just not sure. And I'm kind of ashamed of where I am weight-wise. But all I can do is keep pushing forward.

But here's the good news. I had zero leg and calf and shin and foot problems. I've NEVER been to WDW and not gotten a blister. My New Balance shoes really worked well and I'm very happy with them headed towards race day.

As for the "pushing forward" part - we know that there's a race I mean to finish in 3ish weeks. But moving forward from that - I plan on training as hard as I can through 2012 - getting faster through each race (improving on every time) - and finally pushing forward and losing that 100 pounds I've been talking about. I'm resetting my Club 8 counter on the blog to ZERO as of today.

We'll be strictly enforcing the 2200 calorie a day diet. We'll be using the elliptical, treadmill, and/or going outside for a distance walk 5 times a week minimum. And we WILL see progress. It might take the whole year to reach the goals - or we might hit them in 6 or 8 months. Who knows?

But it's time to put my behind in the past. Or put the past behind me. Or something. :)

Hakuna Matata.

EPCOT AWAITS!