Holiday Truth Serum

So today's going to ramble a bit. Sorry in advance. But first - isn't this a great picture of us?

One other note: most of you who've asked questions in comments, or made statements, etc - you're mentioned in here - so read the whole thing! :)

I haven't been around for a bit - so sorry. There will be a completed trip report - and there will be more discussion of all the things I've mentioned. Things have just been busy through the holidays - and at work. We've gotten busy enough that we're going to hire an administrative assistant. It's just crazy. Me an employer?

Now - there's a lot to discuss. And this is hard to write about and think about.

I'm starting to get nervous about next weekend's race. Not that I don't think I can go 13.1 miles. But I'm worried about the pace, as usual. See - in January 2011, I fell short. And I'm about 5-10 pounds heavier now than I was then. Which really upsets me.

This year hasn't quite gone as planned in a lot of ways. It's been both good and bad stuff, but regardless, I haven't been focusing on "me" as much as I needed to. The plans I've made haven't been 100% followed, and I'm still right where I started.

I do feel as if I've made strides forward - and given myself the tools I need to succeed. I just haven't succeeded yet. Because I'm not using all the tools together. I might use one or two at a time - but I haven't been putting the whole picture together yet.

Now - here's the unfortunate part.

I can't go BACKWARDS and fix it. I can't go back to March and work harder to get started - or back to June and run more - or even back to last week and eat less. I just can't. So mgreene - and I know you're reading - I know that I have said "I'm going to do...." - and haven't done. I get that part. But I can't do anything about it. And reminding me - makes me feel even more like I've failed. And what I need to do is recapture the courage and willpower to succeed.

And believe it or not, I really do want to succeed. I want to make changes in my life and body. And I know I'm going to. I know I can. And I know now is the time. So I've got the willpower - I just have to use it.

So what do I do? What's the grand plan?

Well - there isn't one yet. In fact, there won't be one.

Don't panic - I'm not giving up.

I'm just not making a "grand plan". I'm going to take this challenge one step at a time. I tell my clients that all the time. "I'm a methodical attorney. I take your case one step at a time - let's not get ahead of ourselves."

So time to put THAT plan into action.

I have the following tools: a reduced calorie plan from my dietician (2200/day); pre-prepared healthy food from "Dinners Ready" and meal plans for breakfast and lunch; an elliptical machine; a treadmill; good shoes; a good therapist; a loving supporting family; a loving supporting team.

And let me expand on the team aspect. Jeff W, Amanda, Rae, Justin, and all of you - you've stuck with me through all this - and you keep staying. You believe that if I want it bad enough I can make changes. And you care enough to support me through the ups and downs. And I just wanted to say thank you. You really don't know what you all mean to me.

These things together should allow me to push forward and make some progress.

Here's the first goal: five pounds. After that - we'll do another five. But the first five is the goal.

Here's the second goal: use the elliptical four times a week for the next two weeks. It's a place to start. A way to integrate exercise into my daily routine. And I've already done one for this week. Just now.

Now - let's talk about races. I'm already registered for two - January and about six weeks later in February. And about eight weeks after that, we board the Disney Fantasy. That's four months. That's enough time for lots of small goals.

Race one: January 2012. I am aiming to finish this thing. Rae - I adore you and your heart. And I'm going to push every mile for you. And for Jeff. And Justin. And Amanda. And Fee. And everyone who's ever supported me. I'm going to give it everything I have. And if something goes wrong - it's a gauge for a starting point - and I'll use it as such.

Race two: February 2012. I aim to do better than I did in January. Whether that's further, or faster, or both.

Cruise time: By the time the cruise arrives, I want to have to buy a smaller bathing suit.

I think these goals are small, achievable, and allow for room to expand as I hit them.

And you'll notice - those of you who've known me - that I didn't wait for a "Monday" or the "first of the year" or anything - I just said - enough. Today it's time to turn it around.

So strap in. Here we go.

EPCOT AWAITS!