Whether it's not being able to get to sleep, or horrid nightmares, my sleep pattern is still way off. Amber thinks, and I think she might be right, that perhaps subconsciously, I won't rest until I lay Dad to rest in the Caribbean. Either way - lack of sleep leads to less productive days. I'm down a bit of weight, and heading in the right direction - eating well - AND managed to drag myself out of bed and do a Safeway Loop this morning for another 1.5 miles to add.I'm working on it - and will continue to do so. And it'll get better as time goes on. But as the "stuff" to do surrounding Dad fades away, the pain and loss is really starting to sink in.
Anyhow - I hadn't checked in for a few days - and didn't want you all to worry too much about me. I'm still here and still plugging along. I can STILL hit my 8 pound goal for March if I'm really careful for the next 8 days. :) And I intend to be.
Trust me guys - Dad is with me - and he's NOT going to let me fail you. Or myself.
MAIN STREET AWAITS!
Way to keep making good choices, even though you're dealing with all of this. I think nightmares may be fairly normal while greiving. I know it was through my dreams that I ended up finally saying good-bye to my Grandmother (who helped raise me from 5 years old to my late teens - and then I helped her from my late teens to my early 20's before her passing). I've always felt that dreams are the body's way of making sense of all the emotions we can't cope with yet in a day to day way.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're learning from your dad. I think any parent would be proud to see their kids learn from their choices and choose better for themselves. Your efforts to be around for Elizabeth for as long as possible are admirable, and I know somewhere you're dad is proud of you.
Hang in there.
I wish there was something I could do or suggest for your sleep but I have the same problem. I do know that not sleeping affects your health so you may want to talk to your doctor about this. Not all of them help you but your doctor sounds like she cares so it is worth a try. Kevin and I find we have weird dreams if we eat too late of eat something we are not used to (in my family, we refer to this as the mugwumps but that isn't the technical term for it...).
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you for sticking to your plan through all of this!! You will get there I'm sure and I hope to be cheering you on at one or the other. Not doing well with my training so I don't think I'll be running. Plus, not sure we can go at all but I always plan!
Hang in there and keep strong!! You can do this!!!
Dana
You are doing fine Jonathan. Give yourself a break - you have to grieve. It's healthy and healing. Your just getting past the first few stages and I won't tell you it gets better because it's different for everyone.
ReplyDeleteGreat job getting out and getting some miles and controlling the eating.