Step by Step

Okay - one more Henson picture. Who remebers THESE from Sesame Street? These are the ACTUAL paintings that were animated for the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 cartoons.

How cool is that?

And how cool is it that every day I'm making progress. Today - a GREAT EA Active workout - according to them, burned over 250 calories in the workout! My goal for it was 211 (they set it somehow) - we did lotsa lunges, some high knees, kick-ups, running, curls, shoulder press, tennis drills, and just LOTS of stuff. I'm tired. LOL Tomorrow - outside for a wog.

And on the parental front - things are coming together logistically - and once I have the logistics figured out, it's just a matter of putting a plan into effect. If I keep myself buried in the details of the how and when, I don't have to stop to think about the why. And for now that's best. It keeps me positive, and keeps me motivated by my own goals.

And on the Bean front - great news - the first genetic blood test came back - negative for Downs, Spinal Bifida, etc. We're just waiting on the CF test. AND - our ultrasound is scheduled. Two weeks away. We'll know if the Bean is a boy bean or a girl bean!!!!

How exciting!!!

Sounds like it's gonna be a GOOD FRIDAY! (That has a nice ring to it...)

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A Message from Red Fraggle - Sorta

First two updates.

1. I've lost over a pound already this week. And will lose even more by Monday. I haven't exercised as much as I'd like but tomorrow I'll be doing another EA Active workout, and Saturday working on a 6 mile loop. Sunday is more EA Active, and then next week we try to get back to the M/Th/Sa running schedule and the T/W/F/Su EA Active schedule.

2. Things are proceeding along on the logistical front for mom and dad. Yesterday, however, was particularly hard. They went for physicals so that we can more adequately assess what level of care they need when they get here. And finally someone has a theory as to my my dad is so confused. It comes and goes, and sometimes is severe (two days ago he couldn't remember how to sign his name on paper). According to his doctor, it's possible that his chronic asthma and his most recent bout of pneumonia deprived him of oxygen for a time. Not fully, but enough to cause minor brain damage. Which is SUPER scary. The Doc says it might come and go and get better and worse, but likely won't go away. I don't totally believe it until I get them here and let them see MY doctor. But the thought of my Dad kind of being...well not my Dad anymore...breaks my heart. I've done a good bit of crying lately.

So why am I posting pictures of the happiest, zaniest, most awesome of all the Fraggles? Why am I even MENTIONING a Fraggle today when I should be amazingly sad?

Because one of the truly awesome experiences of my life was meeting Karen Prell at the Henson Exhibit. Karen was the muppeteer behind Red Fraggle. Incidentally, she's also done a lot of computer animation as well. I found that out really, AFTER I left the EMP. But I digress.

While I got to meet (and briefly interview) Karen, she was nice enough to do some Red for me which made me smile, laugh, and just feel....good. It was a shiny moment in my weekend.

After meeting her, I realized that she would be an AWESOME podcast guest for a more lengthy segment. So I asked my contact at the EMP for her contact info. She forwarded me her e-mail address. Before I could e-mail her, I received an e-mail of my own from her! Yup - Red Fraggle e-mailed me...okay - not Red, but Karen. Still!

She not only told me she'd be happy to answer more questions, but said she'd found my blog online. She told me that she'd be happy to help find resources in the area, and that I should count her as one of the people who are cheering me on, both in this thing with my parents, and in my quest to take better care of myself.

And now, here I sit, after a somewhat sleepless night, dreaming bad dreams about my Dad's condition.....

...and I'm smiling.

Because you all are cheering me on. You all care about me. Rae, Dana, Justin, EVERYONE. Your comments, your e-mails (yes, Dana, I'm talking to you too here), your support and love. All of those things make me smile. Make me feel better. Stronger.

And that's a feeling that doesn't go away. Even when I'm sad.

So thank you Karen Prell. And thank you Team Voice. And thank you reader. Whoever you are.

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Youthful Optimism

Let's get the lousy part out of the way right up front. I've put back on 3.5 pounds in 2 weeks.

There. It's said.

Now - yesterday Amber brought something to my attention that is unacceptable.

And apparently I didn't realize it.

She told me that this thing I'm going through with my parents is sapping my will. It's sucking my energy dry. She says I'm not as optimistic as I have been. I don't laugh as much. I just kind of blah. If not down right sulk. And it's causing me to abandon my own goals and health. I'm not focusing on what's happy in my life - I'm focusing on trying to deal with my father's illness and my mother's severe anxiety.

And it stops. Now.

I didn't realize how far I'd fallen. How deeply into this I'd gotten.

And I'm sorry to all of you - my friends and supporters. I haven't been very motivational lately. But that stops now too.

I'm going to fight my way back to you all! Back to Amber, the Bean, and most of all - back to ME.

I started that fight this morning. I did the first workout of an EA Active 30 day challenge. And man - it was tough - AND fun. Their schedule calls for two rest days a week. What I'm going to do, however, is augment their schedule with my own running schedule. Tomorrow I'm doing a lake serene loop. That's my new SHORT run. No more using it as a long run. I have a race in 30-ish days. I have to be ready.

And then Disneyland.

I'm going to EARN that trip. I'm going to sweat, fight, and work HARD.

And I'm going to SMILE. LAUGH. LOVE.

I'm sorry I've been away so long.

I won't let you down again.

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Quiet Wisdom

Or rockin' piano playing.

Who knows what Rowlf's real strength was. But I got to see him. Up close and personal. Yesterday I visited the opening of the EMP's newest traveling exhibit - "The Magical World of Jim Henson". Wow. What a treat. There'll be more pictures and audio on AATM in a week or so - but just...wow. I even got to meet a real muppeteer. Karen Prell - who was Red Fraggle. What an awesome experience!!

Meanwhile - things in Oklahoma have deteriorated. And they keep getting worse. My dad's confusion isn't really getting better. And nobody seems to know why. He can hold a conversation, but he's remembering things that didn't happen, and his thinking is quite circular. And it scares me.

My mom - she can't handle stress - and is a basket case at this point. She's totally paralyzed by fear of running out of money, of losing dad, of not knowing what to do.

And so they call me.

Several times throughout the day.

And I try to calm them down and tell them it won't be long until they're here.

And I'm not sleeping well. Or eating well. Or exercising well.

And then I see Rowlf looking at me. And Kermit. And Amber. And the Bean. And I realize that I'm giving my fear and sadness too much power over me. All I can do is do my best to help them and make this transition happen quickly and easily. All I can do is love them, and acknowledge that I'm scared, and sad, and don't understand where my Dad has gone. I can pray that he comes back and that the Bean gets to know him as I do. I can try to help him.

But if I use those emotions as an excuse to forget my own health - then I'm dishonoring everything that I'm supposed to be learning. And I'm forgetting why I started this journey in the first place.

I'm going out for a wog this morning. Now. And I'm starting a 30 day EA Active challenge, which I will use as cross training while I train the next month for the RnR Half. And I will affirm my own life by choosing to keep making it healthier.

And it's just that simple.

I have a choice.

So I'll make the right one.

See you guys tomorrow - I'm off to exercise. We'll weigh in and measure tomorrow to take stock of what stress has let me do in 2 weeks. And then we'll watch the numbers decrease.

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EA Active - Part Two

You all know this guy, right? Bob Greene. Author of the "Best Life" series.

He helped develop EA Active for the Wii.

And let me be the first to tell you - Amanda - if you have a wii - GO GET THIS PROGRAM. NOW.

I don't say game because it's not a game. Wii Fit is a game.

EA Active is a HECK OF A WORKOUT

This morning I did 75% of one of their "easy" workouts, and I'm sore, sweating, and exhausted. From running to kick-ups to squats, lunges, bent-over rows, pull ups, and more - it keeps you jumping from one exercise to the next, urging you on to more and more caloric burn.

EA Active is an actual in-home cross trainer that really and truly DOES THE JOB. And on top of that - it moves so fast, you don't have time to get bored or complacent. It's even vaguely fun. LOL

Trust me - GO GET IT.

On a side note - I wanted to say thank you to everyone who's posting (and e-mailing) with help and suggestions for my parents. I may (or may not) choose to take some of you up on your suggestions, and regardless of if I do or not, I appreciate them.

That being said - I wanted to feature a snippit from an e-mail I received yesterday.

"I've been reading your blog for a long time, more than a year. I think what you're trying to accomplish is great. I've finally decided to start to run as well. I'm not really overweight, but I could lose a good 15 pounds or so, as well as just get into generally better shape. I've been feeling self conscious about running through my little suburban town where everyone will see me huffing and puffing, but the thought of you and all of the other Disney runners doing the same makes me feel much more at ease.

I also wanted to comment on the issues with your parents. Although I know the situations are different, my mom passed away after a long battle with breast cancer about a year and a half ago. So if a little 15 year old girl can get through that kind of a hardship, I'm sure that you can get through whatever life throws at you.

Good luck with your training and your family, both the generation above you and the impending one below. :)"

Yes. You read that second paragraph right. She's 17 years old right now. What an amazing 17 year old. (Alright - in fairness, she'll BE 17 in about a month).

It's e-mails like these that keep me going. Friends like Rae, Deb, Amanda, Kate, Justin, Maroo, Mike, Chris, Jeff W., Lisa, Trace, Heath, and everyone in team voice.

You guys just...ROCK.

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EA Active

EA Active is out for the wii. Every reviewer says it's what Wii Fit should have been - an actual WORKOUT regime. I purchased it last night - but haven't played with it yet. This morning I was in the gym - and did 1.33 miles in 20 minutes. Not bad. I tell you - I'm picking my way out of this.

On the parental front - things are moving along at a snail's pace. We're getting me a POA for all decisions, and informing his office today of what's happening. I'm going to tour the top two assisted living facilities I've found this weekend and start the process. If all goes well, they may be here as soon as July.

And did I mention I'm exhausted?

Oh yeah - I am. :)

But on Friday Amber gets to hear the bean's heartbeating again! :) So that's good.

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Yesterday

Yesterday was an important day, my friends. And so I want tell you why.

Five years ago yesterday two important chapters in my life began.

May 18, 2004, I was admitted to the bar of the State of Washington, and began my career as a lawyer.

That night to celebrate, I took a beautiful woman out to dinner to celebrate. It was my second first date with her. And lo and behold, we ended up married and expecting a child. Yes. Amber and I have been together now five years.

Wow.

And god bless her for putting up with me as long as she has. LOL

Things here haven't improved as much as I'd like - Dad is home from the hospital, but there's a lot to do, and everyone is stressed to the max. I'm emotionally and spiritually exhausted. And it's going to end up a LONG summer. But I haven't given up. And I won't. I did put on little more than a pound last week, but it'll come off this week.

I'm getting back into a normal exercise routine, and working hard to NOT get discouraged. Basically I'm holding onto my positive attitude - and praying that's enough to get me through.

The Disney Feud helps.

So does AATM.

And my blog - and your comments.

And Amber.

And of course - the Bean.

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A quick smile...

Remember little Ayla? Yeah - this was CHRISTMAS. She's even bigger and more talkative now. And yeah - she makes me smile.

Update on the parentals. Likely conversations to be had SOON - disability, retirement, moving to Seattle, assisted living, etc. It's going to be a fun summer.

But on the bright side - I got up this morning and WORKED OUT. First time in 9 days. And it felt GREAT. I did 2.90 miles in 46 minutes. And tomorrow I'll do it again. If I'm going to help them, I have to make sure that I'm keeping myself healthy.

How's YOUR weekend?

I'm pulling out of my funk, friends. Toldya I would. :)

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Roller Coaster Ride

Okay - I think the worst is over. I think.

Let's give you guys an update on where we WERE - and now where we ARE.

When last you heard, my dad was getting a little better. Well later that day, he had extreme confusion, and was taken back to his local ER. They did a CAT scan on his head, chest, and abdomen. I was told around 9pm that he'd had a massive stroke. Similar to one he had 7 years ago. They shipped him to Oklahoma City (90 minutes away) to the hospital with the neurologist. That was Wednesday.

Wednesday night around midnight, the neurologist called me. He did NOT have a stroke. The Cat scan showed the old stroke. There was no neurological explanation for his confusion. However, he still has pneumonia, and a problem in his belly. He was referring him to an internist.

Thursday evening I got a call from my mother. The internist says there's also no pneumonia, but the confusions was caused by the previous hospital messing up his meds royally, including his blood sugar (adding a contra indicated drug for bypass patients to his existing insulin regimin had his sugars at 30 at one point). But they're still watching his bowel for problems, which he had in October. Might be another surgery. Might not.

My mother is back at home, and has no way to get there because she doesn't drive on the highway. And refuses to try. So she'll rely on neighbors to drive her.

Things are crazy at work so I CAN'T go there right now.

And who knows what different loop today will bring.

I haven't been sleeping well. But I have been eating well - I've stayed away from what happened on Tuesday, and am only up like half a pound this week. Which is good considering.

I haven't hit the gym, but I plan on a long workout tomorrow.

And I'm not angry at myself. I'm allowing myself to deal with this and get the extra sleep I need to deal and cope. The big question is - what happens AFTER this hospital? Can he go back to work? Does he want to? Do we work on closing things up and moving them here? And will I survive that? LOL

Anyhow - I want to thank all of you for your continued support and love - whether it's through comments or e-mails. And special mention to Dana, yet again, for making me feel GREAT with an e-mail.

I'll be back to normal soon guys - I just know it.

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Anger

Like wrath of God stuff.

This morning I'm angry. Not at you guys. Not at my family. At myself.

My dad is doing a LITTLE better, but not much yet. It's still really hard. And scary. Sometimes he can't even remember his own birthdate. The confusion will fade over time, but I can't stand to hear it right now. And my mom can't cope with it. Will he go back to work? Will things be okay? Who knows. But I've been so wrapped up in trying to help them - and being exhausted - I still haven't gone to the gym. I haven't been able to CAPITALIZE on my weight loss from last week. I find myself, instead, researching retirement communities, and crying at my desk because my parents may need to be in a retirement community. *sigh*

And what's worse? I had a weak moment yesterday involving a breakfast quesadilla and some pastry. And you know what?

It didn't even taste good.

But here's the good news. I'm harnessing my anger today. (Don't I always have good news).

I'm going to use this anger to finish out this week strong and STILL capitalize on last weeks work. I'll be in the gym and on the road, and even though I'm at ZERO miles today for the week - I will finish the week OVER TEN MILES.

I will eat what I'm supposed to, and CONTINUE to lose weight. I'm ahead of Justin - and I'm NOT giving up that lead.

So today I'll be angry at what I did yesterday. But I'll be kind to myself. I'll keep helping them where I can, and I'll focus on the promise of today and tomorrow.

I will not fail.

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Awooooowoooowoooooo

That's my best hounddog impression. :)

So - good news and not-so-good news today. And good news.

Good news - I'm down nearly 3 pounds this week. YAY! My measurements have all decreased (except for a .5 inch increase on my thigh) - and I'm feeling really good about this. I'm moving in the right direction and poised to have great success! I feel REALLY good about this.

Bad news - even though Dad's home from the hospital - he's had some complications from his medication - it's mostly better now, and likely ALL better by mid-week, but he was having severe memory loss and confusion - as a result, I've spent most of the last 4-5 days on the phone with my mother, my father, my sister, the doctors, nurses, etc. trying to figure out what's been going on. Add to that the stress of my mother being incapable of really coping with this (despite being an RN for nearly 40 years) - and what you end up with is me being EXHAUSTED. I haven't been sleeping well - and as a result, I haven't worked out since Friday. I'll get back to the gym tomorrow, I promise.

Good news - I'm so excited about this one folks - tonight we record the FIRST MATCHUP of the FIRST ROUND of the DISNEY FEUD. First matchup is: Bryan Ripper v. Steve Swanson. It's gonna be FUN folks! :)

How are you doing? How was your mother's day? Weekend? Are you struggling, but still putting one foot in front of the other? Still moving forward?

Stay with me team! We can DO this!

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Happy Mother's Day

I want to take a moment out from training, and Disney, and running, and dieting, and everything else.

I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers that read my blog - all the mothers that don't - and of course - my mom and Amber (mom-to-be).

Mothers hold a very special place in the world - and frankly - they should get more than just one day a year.

So - if your Mother is still with us - tell her you love her today. And mean it.

And if she's not - then just feel it in your heart.

Happy Mother's Day Team.

To all of you and to your mom's too.

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A quick smile...

Sometimes you just need to sit on a pumpkin in a field. Yup.

Thought this would make you smile - certainly makes me smile. Good memories always do.

Especially when my dad's back in the hospital (has been for about 2 weeks now) - likely to come home today - but his health is not good generally. I just want him to stay healthy and retire so he can relax and enjoy his later years.

But every day, his health is a reminder of why I'm here doing this.

Why I went to the gym.

Why I posted mileage.

Why I'll do a long run tomorrow.

Why I raise money.

Because someday when I'm old and gray, I want to show this picture to my grandchildren. (I know - no pressure, bean - you're not even here yet, and I want grandkids already)

And it motivates me.

What motivates you? What're some of YOUR personal reasons?

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I walk on the wild side....

I laugh in the face of danger! Ha ha ha ha!

This picture hangs in our hallway, and I adore it. Hand drawn Disney art. We also have in our collection four Disney cels - two more pencil drawings - a host of statuary - as well as miscellaneous other things.

But this Simba picture sums up my emotions this morning. I did a cross-training strength workout at home - and am feeling great. Did my 50 crunches before bed last night - and feel great. Ate well yesterday - and - you guessed it - feel great.

Tomorrow back to the gym for another 30 minute wog.

So here's MY question for you today friends and teammates.

You all have a Disney collection somewhere. Even if it's little stuff.

What object in your collection sums up how YOU are feeling today?

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600 Posts!

Who'd have thought when I started this blog waaaaaay back in January 2007 that I'd reach 600 posts?

Well today I have reached that milestone. I've also done 2.12 miles in 30 minutes this morning.

Still not entirely sure about my new shoes...have to try lacing them a little different on Friday's wog - and maybe go to Roadrunner - a cool store nearby that has a foot pressure pad, and does a like 25,000 point shoe fitting process. Wow!

I'm feeling like I'm really getting my wind back - getting my motivation on - and really pushing forward. Sponsor letters from April will go out hopefully this weekend - and money will CONTINUE to be raised. September isn't that far away (neither is June - YIKES) - but I'm determined now - and really am pushing myself harder and faster.

I'm also going to start doing 50 (or more) crunches NIGHTLY before bed. Regardless of day.

Time to kick this thing into high gear!

Justin lost a pound - I didn't. He's in the lead. I still think I can beat him to 35. I think we should make it more interesting. Like Stroller Boy and I did. $50 into the charity fund from the loser. What do you say Justin?

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Dawning of a New Week

I always seem to forget that after a longer wog I need a day to recover. My legs are SO sore this morning. So I'm adjusting this week's schedule. No wog this morning.

Food intake last week was good - fairly consistent - did have a large lunch yesterday though. Also didn't exercise as much as I wanted to because I was sick all week. Consequently, no change in my weight last week - but let's see how this week goes. I'm healthy. Stronger. And I feel good about everything. And I PROMISE a weight loss this week. The more I lose, the faster I'll get, and the easier RnR and Disneyland will be.

This weekend we opened our baby registry. Holy cats! There's a lot of stuff we're going to need! We only got through a few things - bathtime and feeding time really. We're going to wait for clothes and decor stuff until we know whether the bean is a boy or a girl - but it's going to be a long process regardless. Wow.

How's your week shaping up? Try this week to go comment on all your teammates blogs! Oh and sponsors - look for your letters later this week, I hope. LOL Maybe next week.

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Plussing It

Just like the kitchen sink is a plussed ice cream sundae, today I had a plussed long wog!

Yes folks - I did NOT do 6.0 miles.

I did 6.38 miles. In 1:47. My pace was a little slower than I'd like (average of 16:53 according to my iPhone) - but all in all a good long workout. I did a one mile warmup yesterday to get my legs movin' again.

Oh yeah - and I'm feeling good today - much better.

This week's workout schedule is as follows:

M: 30 minute wog; T: rest (early court day); W: 30 minute weights; Th: 30 minute wog; F: 30 minute weights; Sa: 4-5 mile wog (the plan I follow has me cut back this week - and next week do another 6, then 7, etc) - so I'll drop it back a bit.

And oh yeah - did I mention that I have worked hard this last week to overcome cravings? That picture of the kitchen sink holds no power over me.

Who needs ice cream, and brownies, and whipped cream, and cherries, and M&Ms....and....

Man - it's breakfast time! LOL

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Wii Will Overcome

Another STRONG picture. A picture of strength. Again - I'm not Mulan - but you get the idea.

I'm also changing my post titles. The "week whatever, day whatever" naming scheme was in reference to the 14 weeks leading up to the RNR. I'm still using that plan - but it limits how creative I can be in titling my posts. :)

Okay - so I'm back up and about. Not feeling 100%, but after reading the article in the comment from the other day - I decided to get off my butt and workout a bit. This morning I did my scheduled cross training - using my old friend the wii fit. I did some step aerobics, some yoga, and some balance training. I'd forgotten how good of a sweat that can work up if you do it right.

And I have my plan set out for my 6 miler tomorrow.

Oh yeah - and HAPPY MAY folks. All of you who've sponsored me in the past will be getting a letter in the next week or so asking for donations based on my April mileage - which incidentally was: 20.75 miles. And my goal for May is to do MORE than that. In any event - watch your mailboxes. :)

I feel good this morning. How do YOU feel?

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