This morning I'm angry. Not at you guys. Not at my family. At myself.
My dad is doing a LITTLE better, but not much yet. It's still really hard. And scary. Sometimes he can't even remember his own birthdate. The confusion will fade over time, but I can't stand to hear it right now. And my mom can't cope with it. Will he go back to work? Will things be okay? Who knows. But I've been so wrapped up in trying to help them - and being exhausted - I still haven't gone to the gym. I haven't been able to CAPITALIZE on my weight loss from last week. I find myself, instead, researching retirement communities, and crying at my desk because my parents may need to be in a retirement community. *sigh*
And what's worse? I had a weak moment yesterday involving a breakfast quesadilla and some pastry. And you know what?
It didn't even taste good.
But here's the good news. I'm harnessing my anger today. (Don't I always have good news).
I'm going to use this anger to finish out this week strong and STILL capitalize on last weeks work. I'll be in the gym and on the road, and even though I'm at ZERO miles today for the week - I will finish the week OVER TEN MILES.
I will eat what I'm supposed to, and CONTINUE to lose weight. I'm ahead of Justin - and I'm NOT giving up that lead.
So today I'll be angry at what I did yesterday. But I'll be kind to myself. I'll keep helping them where I can, and I'll focus on the promise of today and tomorrow.
I will not fail.
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9 comments:
Apologies for not checking in sooner - just getting round to everyone's blogs this afternoon. So sorry to hear all you've been through, my thoughts are with you and your family.
And good idea to focus your anger on something so that a positive comes out of it. You know what you need to do and I have no doubt that you will do it!!
Don't get TOO angry at yourself on the food thing. Really, look at it, realize it wasn't worth it, and move on (which I think you have done already, kudos). You still have a good chunk of time this week so remember to focus on those small goals...one brick at a time, right?
I can't say that I've had to deal with that particular family issue yet, but I can imagine how difficult it's got to be on many levels. One, it's gotta make you think...Geez, I'm an adult? How the heck did that happen! Okay, only an adult for a certain portion of the week, but an adult nonetheless ;-) and that your parents need you more than you need them...that's heavy stuff!
Honestly though, you've got the right priorities. The other stuff takes alot out of you, so keep reassessing the priorities and they'll balance out over time. So don't beat yourself up over every little thing. Do what you can and then give yourself the honest debrief prior to the next small goal.
Sorry bout this post...for some reason I'm type happy today! Listening to Show 102 as I type (Paul is talking about something or other...yes, still catching up...)
Wish me luck on my business law final project! Finishing up my research on Vizcaino v. Microsoft...fun stuff! ;-)
OK, I was going to post something here but I got a little long winded so I am sending you an e-amil. Read it or not, it is long but I am trying to offer some help.
Dana
Offering up thoughts and prayers for your family. Ditto to what Chris said. I could not say it better.
Don't be too hard on yourself, Jonathan. You're doing so well, but problems like this just cannot be set aside. I can understand the anger you feel at putting your goals on hold for a little while, but you need to be there for your family.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that we know you will not fail. But we also know that life doesn't always make time for your plans. You're doing what you need to be doing right now, and the gym will always be there when you're able to return.
You and your family are in my prayers. Keep it up, Jonathan (but don't beat yourself up!!!).
Jonathan, it's okay to be human. Mistakes happen and you learn from them and move on. Sounds like you did a little emotional eating - easy to do, but know you need to correct that problem.
Dealing with parental health issues is very tough. Try to listen to what theyare telling you and it will help you make the right decisions. My thoughts are with you and I hope your Dad starts doing better soon.
Do your best and forget the rest!
Jonathon,
You certainly proved you are human, and as Amanda said, it's OK. I certainly know about going through tough times recently myself. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, after a little while you will find that you are getting to where you are trying to be. If you take a step back every now and then, that's fine, too; and then you'll be able to move forward when you can.
Good luck!
Keep up the good work, Jonathan!! :)
Can't wait to hear the podcast this week! Who won?!?
Ditto on what Chris said. I would also like to point out that the fact that the barrito and the pastry didn't taste good is probably a good thing. Either, you've lost the taste for those sorts of foods, or you were so upset with yourself that you couldn't enjoy it. Either case is good.
You and your family will pull through this. Just keep the faith brother. We're all behind you for support. I'll continue to hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
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