I threw in my 3.0 miler this morning (actually 3.01, but who's counting? Oh right! I am!) and feel great about it! Today's gonna be a good day all around, and hopefully I'll have good news on the numbers front tomorrow morning. Or at least not BAD news. LOLNow - on to today's topic. I have a confession.
I had a total freak out yesterday.
We were looking online at crib options, and I realized I knew nothing about cribs, and what was good and safe, and how to put them together, and then - within MOMENTS my mind was reeling about how we would afford college, and whether or not I'd be a good father at all, and what to do the first time it comes home from school crying - and everything in between.
Not sure why - but it happened.
Amber calmed me down, and we went to Babies R Us and learned about cribs. She also told me that the rest of that stuff are things we can't really anticipate. All we can do is try to prepare for them, but can't control them.
That word control jammed in my craw and the rest of the day I was trying really hard to make some sort of cognitive leap. And I finally made it around half-way home.
I hate feeling like I can't control what's going on. And I feel stupid when I can't. And I'm new at this daddy thing. So I feel inept. And as a result, stupid, and sometimes, even do self-destructive things (see donuts, supra).
But then I realized that what I needed to do was take control of what I can - which is working on being a healthy well rounded daddy. One who doesn't have back problems, or heart problems, or high blood pressure. One who works out regularly, not to buff up or be the fastest, but to be a healthy daddy who sometimes puts on bright yellow shirts and runs through Disney parks.
And realizing that I could control that somehow made the crib thing - more bearable.
I'll learn the rest as I go. I might freak from time to time. But I'll learn. And I'll be good at it. Because I love my baby already. And I love it SO much. I love it enough to love me and go out and do 3.01 miles this morning. And keep counting calories. And keep moving forward.
MAIN STREET AWAITS!
I can only imagine how you are feeling about the crib thing. I have a suggestion for you..check out the book Baby Bargains by Denise Fields. It will give you some great suggestions on what to look for in all areas of Babyness!
ReplyDeleteI am a control freak so I understand how it feels to NOT be in control. You'll do just fine though and you are working on what you CAN control!
Trust me, there are many more freak-out panic attack moments to come. Have the "bad parenting" dreams started yet?
ReplyDeleteJust wait for this moment after the baby has arrived: You have just brought the groceries in from the car. You kind of remember setting something on the roof of the car but can't remember exactly what it was. Was it a bag of groceries OR THE BABY?!?!?! Run Jonathan! Get that baby off the car before anyone sees and calls child protective services!
You're gonna do fine. Also, nice job on the run.
You are going through normal feelings - that's good and healthy. If you didn't have any freak out moments then you know there's something wrong and you should worry about being a good daddy.
ReplyDeleteYou've got it right - control what you can and that's your health and working to keep Amber healthy too. That's going to be so important and make being a parent that much easier. You're going to want to play with, keep up with, and hey out run (for at least a few year) that baby and you can't do that until you take care of yourself!
Now, keep exercising and counting those calories and take a nice deep breath!