Now - on to today's topic. I have a confession.
I had a total freak out yesterday.
We were looking online at crib options, and I realized I knew nothing about cribs, and what was good and safe, and how to put them together, and then - within MOMENTS my mind was reeling about how we would afford college, and whether or not I'd be a good father at all, and what to do the first time it comes home from school crying - and everything in between.
Not sure why - but it happened.
Amber calmed me down, and we went to Babies R Us and learned about cribs. She also told me that the rest of that stuff are things we can't really anticipate. All we can do is try to prepare for them, but can't control them.
That word control jammed in my craw and the rest of the day I was trying really hard to make some sort of cognitive leap. And I finally made it around half-way home.
I hate feeling like I can't control what's going on. And I feel stupid when I can't. And I'm new at this daddy thing. So I feel inept. And as a result, stupid, and sometimes, even do self-destructive things (see donuts, supra).
But then I realized that what I needed to do was take control of what I can - which is working on being a healthy well rounded daddy. One who doesn't have back problems, or heart problems, or high blood pressure. One who works out regularly, not to buff up or be the fastest, but to be a healthy daddy who sometimes puts on bright yellow shirts and runs through Disney parks.
And realizing that I could control that somehow made the crib thing - more bearable.
I'll learn the rest as I go. I might freak from time to time. But I'll learn. And I'll be good at it. Because I love my baby already. And I love it SO much. I love it enough to love me and go out and do 3.01 miles this morning. And keep counting calories. And keep moving forward.
MAIN STREET AWAITS!