
Last night I had a nightmare. It wasn't "frightening" per se, but it was a nightmare nonetheless.
I dreamed that I was part of some sort of "pre-marathon" warm-up run with Team Voice. I'd woken up on time, and knew it was important that I get to this run, because I hadn't been running outside a lot.
And someone had stolen my shoes.
I had no shoes to run in.
I tracked them down and proceeded to SCREAM at the person who'd stolen them - here are some of the things I remember screaming:
"Don't you understand how important this is?! I need to run outside! This is a 13 mile race I'm training for - and I can only run FOUR MILES!!!!"
"I HAVE TO GET OUTSIDE!!!"
"I'm not ready! AND YOU TOOK MY SHOES!"
I woke up feeling...well...a little freaked out. But I was quite sure I heard the message my subconscious was giving me, loud and clear.
Lace up, and GET OUTSIDE.
So I did just that today.
And I'll be honest - I'm less than impressed with myself. It was bitter cold (so much that breathing in was a little painful, you know? From the cold?) and a little drizzly. I went to a local park with a walking/jogging trail (McCollum Park) - tightened my laces, and headed out.
I walked a few minutes, then jogged.
About 2 minutes.
The cold was getting to my lungs, and my shins hurt.
I didn't give up - I slowed down. And walked more.
Then jogged again - about 2 minutes.
After about 20 minutes of this, I had returned to where the car was, and hopped in.
It feels a little like I've worked for a year and gotten nowhere. I feel like I'm starting over.
I know that's not true, when I stop and think about it - but when I got into the car, and saw that 20 minutes had gone by, I was quite disheartened.
Now granted - I haven't logged a lot of miles lately ANYHOW - and it could just be my body is gearing back up (note I'll be using the treadmill M-Th during my trial, and seeing Angie on Friday), but I can't help but feel a little down after this. There were also no mileage markers, so
I don't even know how FAR I went.
But I'm not giving up. Not by a long shot. I'm going to keep fighting, and keep moving forward, and keep going. I'm going to find a better park, with mileage posted on their walking/jogging path. And if 20 minutes is where I start, so be it. I'll be up to an hour or more before I know it. I just have to KEEP GOING. I've come this far - I CANNOT and WILL NOT even think about giving up.
I WILL run this race. I WILL finish this race. NO QUESTION.
And I think subconsciously I know I need better shoes. Suggestions for a shoe store? :)
MAIN STREET AWAITS!