At first I wasn't even sure I'd post today - but then I remembered how supportive you've all been through the last three weeks, and figured I should at least tell you all where I'm at and what's going on - in the hopes that you'll keep supporting me.1. Dad. He's back in the hospital. He was home less than 24 hours before he had trouble breathing, my mom noticed swelling in his legs, and yes, guess what? He's back in congestive heart failure. So he was re-admitted - on lasix - and is slowly trying to get rid of his fluid. I can't tell you how stressful this all is - especially since at times my mother can be so...demanding of attention and help. Couple that with worries about my dad, and the fact that Amber and I are exhausted from OUR trips out there and just not really looking forward to going back in a week and a half for thanksgiving (don't get me wrong - we love my family - but this has taken a toll on us) - and you can understand why we lead into #2....
2. Food. I've been stress eating. No doubt about it. And because of how tired I am emotionally, physically, and otherwise, my defenses are down.
3. Exercise. Inconsistent at best.
4. Attitude. Poor. I've been snippy with friends and coworkers. I'm just plain ol' GRUMPY. When usually I'm more Dopey.
But as I lay awake in bed this morning thinking of how far I've come, and how far back I COULD slide if I let myself, and feeling my stomach cramping slightly, I made a conscious decision to stop.
I've always been big on new beginnings - and so I'm giving myself one.
Tomorrow begins a new week - and only 7 weeks from the trip and the race. And it's time to CRUNCH down and fight hard. Amber and I meal planned for the remainder of this month (including our trip for Thanksgiving) to ensure quality, healthy meals - and already went grocery shopping. No more eating out.
I've moved Runny Bunny to near my bed so I CAN SEE him no matter what - instead of having him sitting in my office where he is inspirational only if I choose to look at him.
So here's the plan:
Monday - we start with 3 miles around Lake Serene and then 20 minutes on wii fit.
Tuesday - 30 minutes of weights at the gym - and 20 minutes on wii fit.
Wednesday - 20 minutes of wii fit.
Thursday - 3 miles around Safeway (different loop) and then 20 minutes on wii fit.
Friday - 30 minutes of weights at the gym - and 20 minutes on wii fit.
Saturday - 8.6 miles and 20 minutes of wii fit.
Sunday - 20 minutes of wii fit.
I'm not at all concerned about pace while I do these - my base pace is under 16 minutes (barely - but under) - and so I'm just concerned about getting BACK into the habit of working out daily. Moving my body more - and getting my legs used to it again.
I haven't slid far, folks, but I'm jamming on the brakes and pushing forward.
What I need from you guys is support. I need you to believe I can do this. I need you to believe that I'm not just some fat guy that lost a bunch of weight to start putting it back on and go back to the couch. I need you to believe that miracles are possible and that a guy like me who was once over 370 pounds (and still under 300, thank you) CAN complete a half-marathon. Because if I can do that - then I can do anything - and will. I've already started scoping out local races for after...because if I can cross that line at EPCOT and finish - I'm never turning back.
Believe in me. I believe in you.
MAIN STREET AWAITS!
I am so sorry about your Father. All I can do is say a prayer for him. CHF is not a nice thing.
ReplyDeleteFood well now I know stress is a factor here, BUT. You can control it if you want too.
You need to use all of this to your anvantage here. Train for your father, show him how strong you are, how you are now going to finish this race not just for you, to run in your Father's honor.
Your Mother is hurting too. This is her life mate and it is painful not to be able to fix it. Give her a break. Being demanding is her way of needing you a lot more now.
So now you better get moving show your family you have it in you .
How bad do you want this even with life breathing down you neck? Let it motivate you. Not being you down.
I am a good listener.
First of all my best and prayers for your dad and your family. Having not been in your situation, I cannot begin to imagine what you must be going through. The emotions toppled with the long traveling must be just daunting. Reading the last part of your post, I must say seeing you become positive and energetic about moving forward with your training is a very nice.
ReplyDeleteOn the training, just keep doing the best you can. When I get depressed or something comes up that takes me off track, I try to become reflective and use that as inspiration to move forward in the direction I want/need to go in. Easier said than done right?, and usually happens after a binge and guilt trip. Reading your post, you have the right attitude for sure. Having been following your progress for a while, one thing that is consistent is your ability to bounce back from anything that has stopped your training and get right back on the track full speed ahead. That has earned a lot of respect from me and inspired me in my own struggles. The fact that you post here, and the fact that you care so much about your goals means deep down you are going to hit your goals.
Keep posting, even when its hard. Getting the feelings off your chest can be a therapeutic thing, even if you think nobody is listening, some of us are.
Have a wonderful Sunday and here is to the new start of a week and a renewed vow of accomplishments.
-scott
I KNOW you WILL do it!! When I look at how far you have come, it is impossible to think you will allow yourself to come up short. Keep movin' forward and I'll see you on Main Street!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw the Grumpy pic, I sighed...knowing what was to come wouldn't be a good thing. :-( Man this is a tough thing situation indeed and I'm feeling for you guys (the whole family).
ReplyDeleteI echo Rae's sentiments in that you can go one of two ways. You can continue the stress eating and sulk, or use this to your advantage to push forward. What do you think will pay off more or make you feel better in the long run? What would your parents tell you to do?.... I like your plan, no get out there an execute! It'll clear your mind and help you be stronger for you AND your family. They need a strong YOU at this time. :-)
We're here for you Jonathan, press forward, no regrets.
Jonathan I am sorry to hear about your father. I have had to go through this with both my father and mother-in-laws with in a month of each other. All I can say is you have to be strong and remember that we are here for you.
ReplyDelete